Need for Meaning
What prompts one to begin walking the Left Hand Path? For me it started as a journey or quest for enlightenment, a conscious decision to turn my back on Christianity… after four very long years of seminary. The end result of a sort of penal servitude to my mother’s dogmatic world-views. A rebellion. A semi-mirror reflection of the falling Morning Star? That analogy actually makes me smile a little as I type it… I would like to note though, that I do love my mother dearly. I thank her in my heart every day for bringing me into this incarnation. I would gladly murder the world to protect her from harm.
Instead of taking on the role of a missionary that I was being pressured into, I exercised my free will and chose to serve as a soldier. An infantryman in the Marine Corps. It allowed me to get away, to isolate myself from those seeking to influence me, and to think and develop my Own Way.
What were my reasons for spreading my arms, turning my back to the abyss, and falling backwards into the embrace of Darkness? A lust for power? A need for control over myself, those around me, and my own destiny? Fear of the unknown? An outlet for the Darkness and Hatred that had built up over years of being repressed? Disenfranchisement with Christianity and its repressive dogmas? Perhaps all of these… but probably more so a deep seated need for meaning.
Ironically though, this “need for meaning” is what prompts many to walk away from the dark winding roads and turn a deaf ear to the Goat God of the Witches. People seem to be looking for a pre-packaged or canned pagan religion, where everything makes sense and follows a logical progression. One that builds a sense of order out of the chaos with little effort on the part of The Seeker. Anyone who has been on this journey for an extended period of time though can attest that the occult and pagan roads are a patchwork of beliefs, myths, and practices. They often present logical fallacies which cause pain and confusion, which can shake the pillars of our faith. We fall prey to the assumption that they are undermining the foundation of our belief system… but they do not. They are actually the bedrock upon which we should set our cornerstone. Part of the journey is taking these conflicting ideas and building our temple. Shaping them into a tradition that is rewarding, brings us value, and above all is something we as the practitioner are happy and content with. This can fulfill your inherent need for meaning. Fuck the naysayers and detractors who gleefully point out how elements of Your Tradition are culturally different or cannot be traced consistently to a root source. Curse them… then carry on.